Sunday, May 16, 2010

Flirty Blogfest

I thought it would be fun to participate in Critique_This_WIP's Flirty Blogfest. My entry comes from Woman Overboard, my chick-lit WIP (which, in all honesty, has been IP for a long time). The MC, Junia, is on a cruise, trying to change her patterns of falling for bad men.
       I took off my shoes and slid my feet into the turquoise pool. The water was warm, and the ripples I created threw lights all around. It was hypnotic. For a moment, I did nothing but watch the glowing water. I reached into my bag and took out the pack of paper that I always carried for origami emergencies. I folded a little duck and released it across the pool. As it rocked on the waves, I folded another and sent it on its way. Before long, there were six little ducks serenely floating on the now-still water.
      “You're going to block the filter with those.”
     A voice in the dark made me jump so high I almost fell in. I looked around and saw a man in a staff uniform moving toward me. I was about to apologize when I saw him give me the up-and-down, lingering for a moment on my cleavage, which he had a good view of from his position above me. I deliberately gave him the up-and-down. What I saw was worth looking at. He was tall and broad-shouldered, with dark hair that curled up just a bit where it brushed his white collar. His blue eyes matched the glowing water and he watched me with a slightly arrogant smile. I knew his type. There was something about the glint in his eye that told me he was used to women checking him out.
     “I'll retrieve them.”
     “Even that one?” he asked, pointing to one at the middle of the pool.
     “Even if I have to swim for it.”
     “In that?" he nodded at the satin skirt I'd hiked up around my knees.
     “No, I guess I'll just have to take it off.” I held his gaze.
     “Now there's an idea,” he said with a different glint in his eye. He sat down on a deck chair and held out his hand. “I'm Max.”
     “My name is Junia,” I said. When I took his hand, warmth shot up my arm and through my body. I swear the water around my legs almost started boiling. But there was no way I was going to show him that. I quickly folded a boat and launched it toward the flock.
     “Neat trick,” he said.
     “You're welcome. Will you make me one?”
     I studied him for a moment, trying to decide what to make. I took a sheet and carefully, willing my hands to be steady as rocks, folded and refolded it. I handed the shark to him, which he took with a smile.
     “And what about you?” he asked.
     Again, I studied him silently before starting on another sheet. It took quite a few steps plus another sheet of paper; he watched me without speaking. I plucked my little boat out of the water and added the new figure before holding it up. He took one look at the man holding the spear and burst out laughing before falling back on the lounge chair, hand to chest as though he'd been speared himself.
     “Are you trying to tell me something?” he asked, propping himself up on one elbow. He looked gorgeous. Must resist!
     “Not at all,” I said sweetly. “Now if you'll excuse me,” I said, standing up and gathering my skirt in my hands, “I have some waterfowl to retrieve.”
     “Allow me,” Max said, and in one move, was off the lounger and dove into the pool, shoes and all. He surfaced, gathering the bobbing birds carefully while treading water. He swam back to the edge and held them up to me.
     “You know,” he said, shaking the water from his thick hair and chiselled cheekbones, “there aren't many women who could get me to jump in a pool with all my clothes on.” He stood up and his white shirt clung to him, showing a stomach a six-pack would be jealous of.
     “That's me,” I said with a coolness that belied the heat I felt inside. “Junia Wetherby, manipulator of men and paper.” With that, I turned and walked away from the pool, leaving him laughing in the cool, blue water.


  1. hehe nicely done! "Manipulator of men and paper" - that's great. Love the silent origami byplay!

  2. Oh, this was a good one. “I have some waterfowl to retrieve.” LOVE your dialog - nice job!

  3. Oh, this was nice. I kept thinking, "Is he another bad boy she's going to be attracted to?" Well, is he? ;) I loved how she kept cool while burning inside. Very nice.

  4. What a temptress she is! Wow, he seems good humored, obviously gorgeous, and willing to go all in for her attention. Interesting guy.

  5. This was really good! I knew I was in good hands with the "the pack of paper that I always carried for origami emergencies" line -- says an entire volume about the person.

    You've got a great voice here. Keep it up!

  6. I loved the: "Origami" "You're welcome."

    This was a really fun scene! I hope he isn't a bad guy-- I want him to be good so they can get together, because he is a lot of fun!

    Great scene!

  7. Nice work. Definitely some great bits placed within that really grab the readers attention. Well done.

  8. Very nicely done. That was just so enjoyable. I loved the bit with the shark and the origami man with the spear. Fantastic :D

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